


I Can't Stop Myself From Loving You

by orphan_account



Series: Heronchild Fics [2]
Category: Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy - Cassandra Clare, The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Blow Jobs, First Time, Fluff, James Herondale - Freeform, M/M, Matthew Fairchild - Freeform, Parabatai, Smut, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:47:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8988835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "'Jamie?" Long, blonde lashes quivered as Matthew blearily opened his eyes to the world, to James. A short burst of heat came from Matthew’s parabatai rune, as it always did when he looked into James’s champagne eyes. "





	

**Author's Note:**

> I found an alarming lack of fics for this ship, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and write one myself :) Enjoy!

James sighed as his stomach growled again. He had been locked in his room since the whole ordeal almost 24 hours ago, and hadn’t eaten since. He gave the ceiling one more withering glare, before slowly sitting up. The stone floor was pleasantly cool beneath James’s bare feet as he stood up, a yawn splitting his face. He examined himself in the mirror on the opposite side of the bedroom. He looked crumpled and sad, and just… tired. He tried to pat down his untidy, midnight-black hair, to no avail. Without his spectacles, his golden eyes were even bigger. He tore his eyes away from his reflection and silently pulled open the door, hoping to sneak down to the kitchen.  

James’s eyebrows shot up as a body slumped onto the red woven rug on his floor with a thump. The boy laying on his floor was none other than Matthew Fairchild, James’s parabatai of a year or so. He looked about as tired as James felt. James stood there for a moment expectantly, awaiting some strange comment or Oscar Wilde quote to come spouting from Matthew’s mouth. When Matthew’s eyes stayed closed and the peaceful, dreamy expression remained, James took the moment to examine Matthew. He was still wearing the black shadowhunter gear from their expedition the previous night. Guilt sizzled its way through James’s veins as he realized that Matthew must’ve fallen asleep waiting for him to emerge from his room. That was just the kind of parabatai that Matthew was, though. When was James going to realize that and stop being so selfish? 

James knelt by Matthew and put a hand on his shoulder to coax him to consciousness. His blond hair was messy, but it was the kind of messy that looked deliberate. _ It was attractively messy _ , James thought to himself. Realizing what he had just thought, horror spread through him like wildfire, and his thoughts got worse and worse till he just couldn’t  _ stop _ . He rubbed his temples, a shaky breath escaping through parted lips. A small moan came from the boy below him, and James focused on Matthew, trying desperately to clear his brain of all of the unholy thoughts that had wormed their way inside with that noise that had just escaped Matthew’s lips. It was impossible.

“Jamie?” Long, blonde lashes quivered as Matthew blearily opened his eyes to the world, to James. A short burst of heat came from Matthew’s parabatai rune, as it always did when he looked into James’s champagne eyes. 

“S’ me,” James murmured softly, barely loud enough for Matthew to understand. What Matthew  _ did  _ understand was the warmth reflected in James’s eyes and the slight upwards curve of his parabatai’s lips, that James couldn’t stop. Just the sound of his parabatai’s voice made James’s heart fill up with warmth. 

“Thought you died in here,” Matthew’s eyes, which were chips of emeralds, flicked to the side. James sighed and leaned back on his haunches, eyes raising from Matthew’s sardonic expression to fixate on the wall, as if it could offer him some condolence. The sigh, Matthew knew, was not only one of exasperation, but one of relief and happiness. It was one of welcome, of amusement and an underlying joy to be near Matthew. Matthew had learned to read every one of James’s sighs, every angle of an arched eyebrow and every slight curve of a mouth or density of a dimple. Every shrugged shoulder or creased forehead was completely unique, and Matthew found himself lost in a sea of adoration for James. He propped himself up on an elbow with a small yawn.

“Shut up, Welsh,” James responded playfully, pushing his shoulder so that Matthew flopped dramatically back to the ground. Matthew grinned at the nickname that James had given him. 

“Oh Jamie, you and I both know that that is impossible,” Matthew responded. James sighed and nodded in agreement, and Matthew feigned offense, crinkling his nose and pouting. The room fell silent, as the unspoken words rose to the tips of their tongues.

“I…” James knew he should apologize or say something but he found that words were failing him. In his peripheral vision he could see Matthew’s kind face turned towards him, but James knew that if he looked Matthew in the eyes again, he’d see the intense love that he tried so hard to conceal from his parents and sister. 

“Jamie,” Matthew sat up abruptly, James’s lost expression shaking him out of his stupor. Now their faces were centimeters apart, and James was sure that Matthew could hear the pounding of his heart beneath James’s gear. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

James uncertainly looked at Matthew’s cheekbone, unable to meet his eyes. Thoughts whirred through his brain, ideas for lies and coverups popping up. 

“I… I can’t,” James’s heart was going so fast he thought that it was going to punch its way from his ribcage. He leaned back, feeling the weight of Matthew’s concerned stare. 

“What?” The wounded look on Matthew’s face made James’s parabatai rune burn around the edges. “I’m your parabatai, you can tell me anything!” A frown creased Matthew’s tanned face. He put a hand on James’s leather-clad shoulder, but James flinched away like he’d been burned. 

“Wait!” James gasped as hurt and anger flooded Matthew’s expression and he scrambled to his feet, away from James. “I didn’t mean…” 

“Well then, what did you mean? Please tell me, because I’m so confused,” Matthew’s green eyes bored into James, tears welling up at the edges, and James felt his world tearing apart as Matthew distanced himself even further from him. James rose quickly, but kept his distance. He didn’t know if would be able to do this if he were close enough to see the flecks of blue in his parabatai’s eyes, or smell the old book scent that always seemed to be hanging around Matthew. Now they were level, James’s growth spurt making him as tall as Matthew. 

“Just… stop,” James’s voice cracked a little, and he took a deep breath before continuing. “Yesterday… when you took that hit for me.” James began, his voice growing stronger with each syllable. Matthew had relaxed a little, and they unconsciously neared each other. Matthew’s eyes darted around James’s face, trying to meet his eyes. “It made me realize how much I care about you.”

“Of course, Jamie. I love you,” Matthew said, eyebrows creasing. “And besides, that’s what parabatai do,” James’s heartbeat echoed in his ear at the word love. 

“No, you don’t understand. If you die… I know I’d die too,” James cleared his throat, and willed the adrenaline to speed up. “I’m… in love with you.”

As soon as the words were out, James wished that he could push them back inside, so deep down that his love for Matthew would seem like a myth. Matthew’s eyes widened in shock, for they were the last words he would have ever dreamed of passing through his Jamie’s lips. His hands shot up to either side of James’s pale face, forcing James’s eyes to meet his. They were watery and full of fear, and Matthew couldn’t help what happened next. 

Matthew surged forward, his lips pressing against James’s. An overwhelming happiness lit up both of their hearts. Behind closed eyelids, sparks were exploding. James was frozen for a second, but the kiss felt so powerful and right that he couldn’t help but kiss back fiercely. Matthew had one of his large hands splayed across James’s back, pulling him closer. Each finger felt like a hot iron to James, setting his body ablaze. Although inexperienced, James kissed back with enough love to make Matthew’s head spin. Matthew’s fingers outlined the shape of James’s cheekbones and jaw, committing them to memory. James entwined his fingers in Matthew’s lustrous hair, the strands slipping through his thin fingers like silk. The feeling of finally getting to kiss Matthew was better than James could ever describe, like heaven.

James let himself be kissed for a moment longer, but he decided that he’d had enough, and wrapped his leg around Matthew’s. Their crotches pressed together briefly, and Matthew groaned into the kiss. James suppressed an evil laugh as he jerked his leg back, causing Matthew to lose his balance and fall backwards. James caught his head from hitting the floor, but Matthew still gave a quiet moan. He would never admit it, but the pain was just another turn on. James straddled Matthew’s waist before he could move, catching his wrists and pinning them against the red rug. Matthew’s train of thought went off the tracks as he became increasingly turned on. The sight of his parabatai sitting on him, the warm weight on his crotch, it was all too much. The thought that James could do anything he wanted with his body pushed him over the edge. A wanton whine came from Matthew, and his hips pressed up into James. James continued to gaze down upon Matthew, his eyes hooded. James’s golden irises were almost completely devoured by his dilated pupils. Finally, he gave into his lover’s pleads. 

Resting his weight on his elbows, James kissed Matthew. It was a hot, slow kiss, with James calling the shots. James’s heart sang as his mouth moved in harmony with Matthew’s, warm and soft and incredibly compliant beneath his. Finally, they had to pull away because both of their faces had gone red with oxygen deprivation. 

“I love you so much,” Matthew whispered once James had caught his breath. Those five words knocked the breath right back out of James, and he found himself unable to stop a gleeful smile from coming over his features. He met Matthew’s dazzling eyes once more before kissing Matthew’s lips again in a slow, breathtaking kiss. James broke off with a hum and ghosted over the curves of Matthew’s throat, while simultaneously grinding down onto Matthew. The combined actions caused Matthew’s head to fall back with a muffled thump. James dived down onto the exposed skin, pale and smooth and perfect. He started at the point right between his parabatai’s collarbones, kissing his way along the right one, before detouring up his neck to the space under his ear. James sucked a little bruise there before taking Matthew’s earlobe between his teeth.

“Jamie!” Matthew gasped. His head, which had been tilted up to look at James, fell back to the rug. James lost his concentration due to hearing his name said in such a beautiful way, and Matthew took the opportunity to wrench his hands free. Matthew’s arms made their way around James’s neck, his fingers diving greedily into the unruly black hair he loved so much. Of course, as parabatai, Matthew had ruffled James’s hair once or twice, but he had never truly gotten to caress it like he was doing now. With his foot, Matthew kicked the door all the way shut, to hide the lovers from the other inhabitants of the institute. James continued, sucking a few more hickies before sitting back up. 

“What d’you want?” James questioned. He knew what Matthew wanted, for he could feel the bulge in Matthew’s too-tight pants. He imagined it must’ve been a little painful. 

“You, Jamie,” Matthew breathed. “You.”

“Show me,” James challenged. Matthew’s bit his lip and arched his back expertly, slowly rolling his hips up seductively, like he had been doing it for years. He was incredibly graceful, as graceful as he was at everything. James drank in the sight of his parabatai on his floor, so needy and desperate for him. He smirked playfully and grabbed the hem of Matthew’s shirt and pulled it over his head and off of his arms. Matthew’s hair got tousled in the process, and James almost giggled. He almost never saw his parabatai with his hair looking so disheveled. Soon though, the expanse of Matthew’s hairless chest had him distracted. His hands lightly ran over Matthew’s hips and up his sides, feeling the smoothness and firmness of his muscle. A shiver ran up Matthew’s skin and goosebumps formed quickly. He slipped a hand under James’s shirt, tugging lightly at it. James took the hint and pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the side. Matthew’s mouth hung agape as he admired James’s lean torso, reminiscing on the times before either of them had the body of a shadowhunter. Meanwhile, James was busying himself with Matthew’s chest, calloused fingers exploring every square inch. His tongue swept the outlines of faded runes on his pecs, and he ground down on Matthew. Matthew just held on tight to James’s thighs, murmuring curses and James’s name continuously. 

James slid farther down Matthew’s legs so he could have access to to other areas. Matthew propped himself up on his elbows to see James gazing up at him, his mouth dangerously close to Matthew’s arousal. His golden eyes were alight with mischief, tongue running along his upper lip. Matthew’s head tipped back and his eyes fell shut, silently praying. James cupped Matthew though the fabric, thumb running up and down his length.

“Oh! By the angel…” Matthew exclaimed. James unzipped his own leather combat pants, and shuffled around to pull them off. His own erection had leaked precum, making an unfortunate stain. Matthew took the pause in action to collect himself, chest rising and falling quickly. James hovered back over his parabatai, and unzipped his pants, hands cupping Matthew’s ass as he reached behind to pull down his pants. Matthew huffed a knowing laugh as he angled his back so that James could get them off easier. All that was left were Matthew’s black underwear and purple socks. James tugged at them, a bubbly laugh coming from his stomach that warmed the deepest parts of Matthew’s heart. He gave James an impish grin, but it was quickly dissipated as James swooped over Matthew, taking his arousal in his mouth. 

“Oh, oh… Jamie...yes,” Matthew’s breathing was coming with difficulty as James hollowed out his cheeks and took almost all of Matthew’s length in his mouth. Matthew squeezed his eyes shut, focusing on the amazing velvety sensation of being inside James’s mouth. His hands felt for a hold, and they found the edge of the rug. His knuckles soon went white as he tried to hold on, strings of profanity escaping his pink, parted lips. “Jamie, Jamie, oh…”

James pulled off with a pop, his fist still pumping Matthew, thumb occasionally meandering over his slit, which was leaking precum. Matthew himself was shuddering with pleasure, cheeks red and a bead of blood on his lower lip from where his teeth had split it open. As James continued his ministrations, he snuck a hand inside his own underwear, stroking his hardness in time with Matthew’s. His spine straightened as he felt himself nearing the edge of orgasm, so he stopped and returned to Matthew, who was breathing heavily and ogling James.

“So fucking pretty, you know that?” James’s voice was hoarse and low, and Matthew groaned, stiffening as James licked up the backside of his length, before suckling on the head. Matthew cried out, his hand flying to James’s hair. James hummed, tongue swirling.

“Oh, my… by the angel, kiss me, kiss me,” Matthew uttered feverishly. James did just that, their swollen lips moving together hotly. James propped himself up with a forearm, still stroking Matthew between them. He groaned as he felt Matthew’s hand wrapping around his own length. Matthew’s face was one of pure bliss, as he broke away from the kiss, head lowering to the ground, then back up to look down at James’s hand working over him, and falling back, mouth in a perfect “o” all the while. Their eyes locked as they spilled over into their orgasms together. Sweet sounds of pleasure bubbled from Matthew, whereas James was mainly silent, his hands all over Matthew like he was going to disappear any second. James fell limply to the floor beside his parabatai, a wave of satisfied exhaustion washing over him and settling in his bones.  


“Welsh,” James murmured in Matthew’s ear. “Wanna go to the bed?” James and Matthew were laying together in a sweet silence, both feeling the post-orgasm happiness. Matthew snorted, realizing that they were, in fact, still on the rug. Matthew murmured agreement, but made no move to get up. James sighed and pushed himself off the floor. Matthew watched contentedly as James’s little butt wiggled away from him, returning with a small towel. 

“Pervert,” He grunted, offering Matthew a hand. Matthew took it gladly and stood on his tiptoes to kiss the top of James’s head. 

“You love it,” he retorted, as James wiped his own cum from Matthew’s upper body. He stuck his tongue out as Matthew took the towel and did the same for him. James went over to the bed, pulling the covers back and crawling into the far side. Matthew dumped the dirty towel in the bathroom and came back to a sleepy James. He got in and pulled the blanket over them, gathering James’s body to him, an arm draping easily over him. He placed a soft kiss to James’s neck and James wriggled, kicking out involuntarily. 

“So that’s why you topped,” Matthew chuckled.  _ He was ticklish _ , Matthew thought gleefully. James smacked his arm lightly beneath the covers, before pressing back into Matthew’s comforting presence. Matthew buried his face in James’s neck, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, smelling the familiar smell of rosemary and other woodish scents that lingered on James’s skin. Matthew fell asleep to the reassuring rise and fall of James’s chest, his steady heartbeat syncing with Matthew’s own. 


End file.
